My sheets look like a crime scene.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
