I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
