Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
