So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My balls are so social today.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
