just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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