I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
