Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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