So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
