Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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