Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
