Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
