Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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