Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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