Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
