these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
