oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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