In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
