She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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