your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
