hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
