oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
