11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
