Got a toothbrush?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
