somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
