I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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