I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
