Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
