ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
