my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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