A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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