Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
