I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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