made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
