She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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