What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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