i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
