Pants 0. Shit 1.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
