Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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