So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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