Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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