so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
