i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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