my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
