just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
