I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
