i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
