can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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