Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
