Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
