Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I love you. Go after that dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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