shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
