So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
